What are the red flags actually?

We all know that some people sometimes (some more oftenly than others) have suicidal thoughts.

When the thoughts creep in and these certain people still think about how sad their parents will be, and/or they still remember how mad God will be, can we say that these people will still be okay?

Or do they actually need to seek for professional help?

Coping

 Psychologists always remind us not to do self-diagnose. However, I've heard a lot of Mommies claiming they once had baby-blues. 

Some got real good company and support from their spouse and family.

Some got fat.

And guess what? Some got yelled at.

IRT dengan ART Capek?

“It’s so easy to lose yourself while trying to help a person becoming someone.”

“Mama baca, ini artis nih ya yang ngomong, dia mengaku saatnya dia bisa jadi diri sendiri ya di tempat kerja, kalau di rumah kan mengurus anak dan suami.”

“Ibu bekerja masih bertemu teman-teman sekantor, Ibu Rumah Tangga mau ketemu teman kapan?”

Ya, mungkin bagi beberapa oknum, saya memang manja banget, anak baru satu, suami baru satu, gak bekerja, tapi kok pake asisten rumah tangga segala? Kasihan banget suaminya, udah yang berpenghasilan cuma dia, gajinya kekuras karena istrinya manja pula.

Ya saya juga sebenarnya merasa ga perlu-perlu banget sih ada ART, Mama Papa saya yang memaksa, sebelum saya pindah ke Semarang, saya harus sudah punya ART dulu. Pekerjan ART saya sedikit sekali, baju yang dicuci dan digosok sedikit, rumah yang dibersihkan juga tidak besar maupun bertingkat. Artinya bisa dong saya juga kerjakan sendiri?

Nah terus kalo pekerjaan rumah tangga semuanya dikerjain ART, seharusnya saya tidak merasakan lelah dong ya? Yea physically not really lah, Minka juga ga gendut, dan anaknya dari dulu ga suka minta gendong.

Lalu kenapa bisa seorang IRT dengan ART merasa lelah di penghujung hari?

Saya juga tidak tau, mungkin mentally tired? Saya pernah baca “Yang membuat Ibu selalu merasa lelah adalah karena Ibu selalu memiliki rasa khawatir.”

Ya saya memang khawatir setiap hari, khawatir apakah anak saya sudah cukup asupan gizinya? Sudah cukup saya bantu perkembangannya? Sudah cukup kasih sayang? Saya kan stay di rumah, harusnya bisa semaksimal mungkin dong ya urus anak? (HIGH EXPECTATION KILLS!) 

Lalu banyak waktu di mana saya khawatirkan diri sendiri. Apakah saya bisa segera punya penghasilan lagi agar bisa memberi uang ke orang tua saya? Apakah teman-teman saya yang single masih menerima saya yang kalau bertemu harus bawa anak? Bagaimana saya bisa mengobrol dengan teman-teman sebaya jika tidak tau tv series terbaru/ film terbaru/ artis terbaru? (Seriously I don’t have any time to watch anything, actually I have but I turn off the tv all day for my daughter’s sake, and I’ve  said goodbye to my laptop long ago) Apakah saya akan segera kehilangan jati diri?

Jujur saja, satu-satunya interaksi saya dengan orang dewasa setiap harinya hanyalah melalu Whatsapp atau Sosial Media, secara langsung saya bertemu suami pun hanya pagi dan malam hari, hanya beberapa jam dengan ART saya. Apakah saya akan segera hanya bisa berfungsi sebagai ‘Ibu’ saja? Tidak bisa jadi ‘teman’, 'kakak', atau 'pegawai'? Apakah saya masih bisa berfungsi dengan baik secara profesional dan dalam lingkaran sosial saya?

Khawatir akan anak. Khawatir akan diri sendiri. Mungkin terdengar sepele, tapi anda harus coba menjalaninya dulu 24 jam setiap harinya, 5 hari seminggu, selama 7 bulan.

Pregnancy & Labor (FAQ)

Dalam post kali ini, saya akan merangkum beberapa pertanyaan yang paling sering ditanyakan oleh teman-teman ke saya, yang saya sendiri juga tidak tahu jawabannya hungga saya mengalaminya sendiri.

Here goes!

Q: Bagaimana pertamanya bisa tau kamu hamil?

A: Kebanyakan orang melakukan tes kehamilan karena mengalami morning sickness. Seperti yang selalu saya sebut, saya tidak muntah-muntah selama hamil, memang agak eneg jika minum air putih tapi hanya sebatas itu. Lalu bagaimana cara saya tahu saya hamil? Saya sedang naik kereta ke kampus (posisi berdiri) dan agak mual, mata saya kunang-kunang (katanya saat hamil darah kita banyak terpusat di janin, maka kadang seperti kurang darah), sudah 3 hari sejak tanggal saya seharusnya menstruasi (saya tipe orang yang jadwal menstruasinya sangat teratur), jadi saat pulang kuliah saya cek deh pakai test-pack. Dan ternyata benar saya hamil.

Q: Mengalami ngidam enggak?

A: Saya kurang paham dengan pertanyaan ini, ada yang menganggap ‘ngidam’ memiliki arti ‘muntah-muntah karena kehamilan’, sedangkan saya mendefinisikannya sebagai ‘tiba-tiba ingin sesuatu’. Tidak, saya tidak mengalami keduanya. Memang sering sekali ingin makan manis tapi saya membatasi diri (terlalu membatasi diri ternyata) karena takut bayi saya terlalu besar.

Q: Kok saya sudah hamil X bulan tapi belum kelihatan ya perutnya?

A: Perut saya juga baru terlihat banget besarnya saat bulan ke 8-9, bulan 5-7 mulai membuncit tapi belum terlalu besar. Apalagi saya sering pakai baju longgar. Selain itu sepengetahuan saya, ada juga beberapa wanita yang disebut dokter memiliki rahim yang posisinya agak ke dalam sehingga perutnya tidak akan terlalu buncit hingga hamil bulan tua sekalipun.

Q: Waktu hamil disuruh tokso dan rubella?

A: Jujur saja, saya tidak tes, karena dokter obgyn saya tipe yang santai sekali tidak mau bikin pasiennya parno. Menurut beliau, pasiennya baru disuruh tes untuk 2 virus tersebut jika selama kehamilan menampakkan gejala-gejala sakit tersebut.

Mengenai hal ini saya mau share pengalaman 2 orang yang tidak saling mengenal ya.

    Mbak Gina, adalah teman kuliah saya S2, dia pernah bercerita soal sepupunya, Mbak Tita. Mbak Tita saat hamil divonis positif tokso dan diharuskan makan obat-obatan tertentu selama hamil oleh dokter, ternyata saat lahir, anaknya ada kekurangan. Lalu saat Mbak Gina hamil, dia juga divonis positif tokso, tapi dia tidak serta merta mengkonsumsi obat yang dianjurkan dokter, setelah melihat apa yang terjadi pada anak Mbak Tita dia mencari 2nd opinion dan dokter kedua berkata "Ah, ga usah makan obat macem-macem, istri saya juga waktu hamil positif tokso, ga makan obat, nih foto istri dan anak saya, sehat-sehat saja.". Dan Alhamdulillah, anak Mbak Gina lahir sehat walafiat.

    Ada lagi kasus lain, Mbak Gaby yang divonis "Rubella Lampau" apa lagi nih? Kurang paham juga, mungkin teman-teman kedokteran lebih paham ya. Nah Mbak Gaby disuruh konsumsi obat banyak banget sama dokternya, tapi segera saya sampaikan kasusnya Mbak Gina, nah Mbak Gaby mencari 2nd & 3rd opinion, dan akhirnya sama seperti Mbak Gina, dokter lain tidak menyarankan makan obat macam-macam, sehingga Mbak Gaby tidak makan obat yang dianjurkan dokter pertama. Alhamdulillah anaknya lahir sehat walafiat, tampan dan gembul.

Q: Kenapa melahirkan secara Caesar?

A: Karena mata saya minusnya sudah sangat tinggi (6.75). Jadi, jika seorang ibu hamil memiliki minus yang tinggi, pasti akan dianjurkan untuk check up ke dokter mata untuk melihat pelekatan retina (kalau tidak salah). Karena ibu hamil dengan minus tinggi jika melahirkan secara normal ditakutkan mengalami ablasi retina (retinanya rusak atau sejenisnya) saat mengejan.

Sebetulnya tidak semua ibu hamil yang minusnya tinggi diharuskan menjalani operasi Caesar, karena obgyn saya juga bilang pernah punya pasien minus 6.5 yang melahirkan normal karena dokter matanya bilang syaraf matanya masih oke. Maka, vonis harus melahirkan Caesar atau tidak itu bukan dari obgyn saja, melainkan juga harus berdasarkan rekomendasi dokter mata.

Saya ke Jakarta Eye Center dan dokternya bilang “Wah ini sih bukan beresiko lagi, melainkan sudah hampir pasti akan ablasi kalau melahirkan secara normal.”

Selain karena minus atau posisi bayi sungsang, operasi caesar juga biasanya disarankan untuk ibu yang memiliki tekanan darah tinggi dan mereka yang janinnya besar namun memiliki panggul sempit.

Q: Bagaimana sih rasanya kontraksi?

A: Kalau yang saya alami sih, pinggang pegal-pegal seperti hari pertama menstruasi.

Q: Air ketuban itu seperti apa?

A: Bening dan encer, mungkin ada baunya tapi saya tidak mencium karena sudah panik. Airnya keluar terus menerus seperti air seni yang tidak bisa ditahan. Oh iya, sekedar informasi tambahan, dari yang saya dengar dari perawat dan bidan, kalau air ketuban warna hijau, artinya ibunya stress dan baiknya bayi segera dikeluarkan.

Q: Bagaimana sih rasanya operasi Caesar? Apa benar lebih sakit dari melahirkan normal?

A: Selama operasi saya cuma merasakan seperti kesemutan di bagian pinggang ke bawah setiap kali disentuh. Dan rasanya seperti tidak punya kendali terhadap tubuh bagian situ. Lemas.

Nah, setelah operasinya atau selama masa pemulihan inilah yang konon katanya sakit sekali dan sakitnya lama. Sebelum mengalaminya, saya membayangkan sakitnya akan seperti sakit jika kita terjatuh dari motor atau bagaimana. Ternyata, sakitnya kurang lebih seperti keram perut saja kok. Sakit di dalam, bukan open wound. Ya, sakit memang saat ingin berpindah posisi dari duduk ke berdiri atau sebaliknya (apalagi duduk di karpet). Tapi tidak sesakit yang saya bayangkan.

Kalau baca cerita kids zaman now yang melahirkan secara normal suka ada kalimat “Pas udah sakit banget, mataku udah gelap, kupikir udah mau mati….” Well, in short, saya tidak mengalami sakit seperti itu.

Kalau soal menyusui dan MPASI kayaknya sudah banyak ya informasinya beredar di sosial media, so that’s all from me now! Hindari hyper-parenting ya, new mom & dads!

Humble Brag

We’re just 2 weeks away from the end of 2016. This year has brought bunch of incidents to be upset about and memories to be kept. One of the most devastating is the fact that some precious people of mine are growing apart from each other. These two words might’ve caused that: HUMBLE + BRAG.

No one knows where the phrase came from. No one knows what it means. Well in my opinion....

Humble-Brag = You’re sort of ‘whining’ about something which deep inside you know  or it’s commonly known that the thing you’re ‘whining’ about is something that the society see as a good thing and not everyone has the chance to be in the situation.

And these humble braggers would tell you “I’m just sharing. We all do. Right? I’m not bragging. And most importantly, Im NOT HUMBLE BRAGGING”

Oh whatever. I’m not gonna tell you what’s the meaning of sharing and bragging. Even toddlers would know the difference.

But just for fun, I’m gonna share some examples on what people who are Sharing, Bragging, or Humble Bragging would post.

SHARING : “Should study now. Tomorrow’s final test.” (Said an average student studying abroad, posting a picture of hot chocolate and 3 opened books without giving details on the hot choco brands)

BRAGGING : “OMG getting a MASTER DEGREE is hard. Should study for tomorrow” (Highlighting on the fact that she’s a fancy bitch pursuing master degree, posting picture of her fancy dorm with Bentley inside the room. WHAT)

HUMBLE BRAGGING : “Oh nooo I haven’t studied at all. I’m so gonna fail.” (Said someone who asks and shares a lot in the class. Secretly wishing that someone would say “Oh you’re gonna be fine, you’re smart, you don’t need to study.”)

Sorry for the not so fun examples. But I hope you get what I mean lol.

Be Grateful

Most people working in Jakarta (Unless they choose to reside near their working place (Kosan or Apartment or something), travel for around 2 hours from their house to work, vice versa.

If you live in a smaller city, you might think you're there because you're not capable enough to fill up the position in the headquarter, you might think it will be harder to get any promotion, you might think you miss the metropolitan lifestyle.

FYI, for the third one, you might have, and it's a good thing.

You know why? Because you can have FOUR EXTRA HOURS everyday TO REST compared to those working in Jakarta.

And the luckiest ones of all are : those who work in their hometown.
CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH MONEY THEY CAN SAVE?
They get to meet their parents and their sisters and their brothers everyday.
They have so many people to help them when they are in trouble.
Still, some of these people might still be jealous of those working in a bigger city, because they don't get the chance to travel. (STOP BEING SO JEALOUS OF PEOPLE WHO CAN TRAVEL ANYWHERE ANYTIME! They have their own burden too!)

There are so many people out there who wish they were you.

And yes you can say "You've never walked in my shoes", YES because some people might not even have a working pair of legs to WALK in anyone's shoes.

Gosh, wherever you are, be grateful.

Wedding Venues in Lampung

After being in a relationship for ALMOST 8 years, my boyfriend did the most NOT romantic proposal by saying "Hey, what date should we get married next year?".

So long story short, during my semester gap, I managed to gather some information of the venues available around Bandar Lampung. No, it is not  an easy thing to do, but here goes the venues pricelist :

Note :

1. If you take wedding package from hotel, you'll still need to find Bridal, Photographer,  extra Decoration, Souvenir, and Invitation Card vendor.

2. If you take the Building only venue, you'll have to find and take care of all the vendors involved in your wedding. 

Short reviews on the Venues I've been to:

1. Hotel Emersia

This is my most favorite venue so far, it has ocean-view rooms, but not the venue. If you want  a venue with ocean-view, it shall be Novotel Hotel, it is not on the list since I knew that last year the rate was Rp.99.000.000,- for 300 Pax. Which back me down. Great thing about Hotel Emersia is that it is a luxurious hotel with reasonable price, Emersia Hotel has 3 kind of wedding package,the difference is in the variations of food stalls, Ruby has 2 variations of food stalls, Sapphire has 4, and Diamond has 6. 

The best thing is that you will have both indoor and outdoor area since the ballroom is located just next to the swimming pool, which means you and your guest will be able to have your pictures taken with natural light by the swimming pool (if your wedding is at noon).

All of those area are yours, unless of course, if some random hotel resident decides to show up with their not so muscular body to the swimming pool (?)

2. Hotel Amalia

I once went to a wedding here. Its venue is a full grass garden, Soka Garden the name is. I loved loved loved it until I realize that January (Spoiler alert) is rainy season, and I remember that when I went to the said wedding, my sister was wearing some sort of WHITE maxi gown and she had dirt on her gown tail, oh PLUS I remember my stilettos was always stuck on the not-so-solid ground.

Outdoor venue wouldn't need too much decorations, because it's naturally beautiful, but your guests might get cranky because the temperature might get super hot and sweaty at noon while if you hold your wedding is at night, you'll lose the beautiful greengrass view and natural light snaps. 

They have a permanent Pelaminan spot with roof, so no need to worry if your wedding is at noon, you'll be the one with the least sweat. But still, you're gonna need lots and lots of portable air-con and/or misty fan,  and of course the black magic to postpone the rain. BUT since you can go easy on the decoration, and they won't charge any of your vendor, you can try to find the cheapest catering, decoration (including flooring for your entrance (30.000/m2 if Im not mistaken)) and air-cooling systems, so that you can  have a beautiful no-stilettos-garden-party there :)

3. Hotel Sahid

It actually has indoor venues too but since the building of the hotel is rustic (I meant OLD), I decided to just check out the outdoor venue a.ka. Garden Cafe + Swimming Pool. It has big trees everywhere so it won't feel as hot as Hotel Amalia. BUT the Cafe Gardeen is not a full grass garden, and I'm afraid that the rooms might not be comfortable enough for us.

4. Hotel Sheraton

Mommy keeps on saying the indoor venue is not big enough, and I keep saying that the outdoor venue might be too hot for a wedding. (I celebrated my 17 birthday at the outdoor area a..k.a swimming pool, but I didn't care abt my make up back then lol). But the outdoor venue is great actually, they have palms and rattan chairs around,and for your Pelaminan, they have a special spot which is a Joglo so you'll be protected from the sun,but not most of your guests.

5. Hotel Horison

Went there for a wedding exhibition, the venue is pretty, but for that price,you might as well have your wedding at Novotel Hotel.

6. 7th Hotel

I went to a friend's wedding here. Torture for the women in high heels since it has only like 10 parking lots inside the hotel (hyperbolic but it felt like it), so the guests have to walk to get to their car outside the hotel, and since the path was meant for car (not for women in heels) and it was slippery, it took me 3 years to get to the car. Oh the hotel has like 4-5 cars to take the guests to the venue and out, but yeah there were maybe like 1000 people on the line.

7. Graha Patimura

The hall was pretty, the ceiling was high, it has beautiful big pillars, and also you can be sure that the food is delicious. Plus their not-so-expensive wedding package is an all in package (inclusive of souvenir and invitation cards as well!), so the bride and the groom shall only just plan for their honeymoon.

8. Graha Wangsa

Charge too much.

9. Lembah Hijau

Pretty but the parking spots might be messy. Also, I believe the indoor venue is meant for small number of guest (200-250), unless if you utilize the outdoor area as well.

For "Building Only"-Venue, I think the most worth it shall be :

1. Graha Mandala : New Building with high ceiling, but it is not on the main road and mommy said the parking lot was hell (?)

2. Yayasan Metta Sarana : It is also a new building with high ceiling and it is also very spacey, BUT its gate is like a vihara since it belongs to a funeral foundation for the tiongkok-descendants if Im not mistaken (?) but the building is so pretty and well-maintained.

3. Graha Purnabakti Pramuka :  I've only seen the venue on the internet since it was too far from my house so I didn't even consider it. But my bf's mom said it is too a great venue and the price is not too high.

4. Masjid Al Furqon.

5. Citra Laguna : This venue is located inside Villa Citra resident, which I just realized DOES NOT HAVE ANY SIGN ON THE ENTRANCE OF THE RESIDENT, and since most of my friends are not from Lampung and might get lost, I take out this venue from my list. But, yea, the swimming pool area is pretty awesome (and super hot since I went there at 1 pm), but the indoor area next to the swimming pool has a low ceiling. While as beautiful as it can be, the other indoor area is an uphill battle (literally and figuratively). My parents went to a wedding there and it rained, so the women (and maybe some men) were forced to stab each others' toe with their stilettos to get inside the uphill-battle-indoor-area. So...Nope.

So, there goes my not-so-short reviews! I hope this post provides great help for Lampung future-bride and groom!

P.S : I have some contact persons of the above venues and I also took pictures of the venues but I only have some left (bummer) but just try to ask me, maybe the ones you're asking for are the ones survived.